We need more “sloppy wet kisses” in church

“How He Loves” is a rare worship song that has popular appeal on radio, as well as in congregations. But a controversy is raging over the lyric line “So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss….” Meditating on that line brought me to an epiphany of sorts. We need more sloppy wet kisses in church. (More comments on the dust-up at this blog.)

More accurately, we need more passion in church, and especially among our married couples. Yes, I’m talking New Year’s Eve, Times Square, just-home-from-the-war passion.

Where are the men on the matter of passion in the church? Harold Velasquez, one time program director for Promise Keepers, lamented the plethora of “Jesus is my boyfriend” songs. He says men can better identify with “warrior” songs. Churchformen.com’s David Murrow agrees that when men sing, they would rather feel like they’re “stepping onto a battlefield. On the other hand, many praise songs make you feel as if you’re stepping into a bedroom.” Buried within that view is a big part of the issue. Christian men, and church members at large, have surrendered their passion to the world.

We’ve noticed young couples actually cuddling in church services. Arms around each other, holding hands, hands on thighs, looking at each other’s faces. This is very good, – a reflection of authentic, godly intimacy in a very intimate place, the sanctuary.

What’s the problem with PDAs (public displays of affection)? It’s not the affection. It’s the unrestrained affection between unmarried people. Checking myself here. Am I judging other people’s commitments? Maybe. But I also know firsthand that affection without commitment is emotional abuse. Rather than society’s gorging media overdose on physical lust, soap opera partner swapping, teen vampire hotties, soft-core at the checkout stand and hard core porn just-a-click-away, how about a more public representation of passionate affection between married couples?

(Much respect to Relevant Church in Tampa, FL for their “30-day Sex Challenge” back in 2008.)

Fully given to each other, married couples have the high privilege, calling and honor of fully possessing each other physically. It all happens behind closed doors. I say, let it out just a bit. The world is so confused by the abuse and misuse of sexuality, we need happy married couples to show us the way.

I was thinking about this “sloppy, wet kiss” when it all became clear to me. When Jesus came to earth, as an astounding display of God’s love for humanity, his arrival was more like a big ol’ affectionate smooch. Yes it was a “holy kiss,” but it came with the spilling of amniotic fluid, and labor pains, and a sticky, wet baby crying out to fill its lungs with air.

Was that demure? Is the birth of a baby ever discreet? I’ve witnessed four births, and I can tell you that they are noisy, raucous events. I’m thinking God’s love for us is unrestrained and enthusiastic, the way a young husband is with his bride. In fact, that’s exactly the way husbands are supposed to be toward their wives. Paul painted this picture powerfully in his letter to the church at Ephesus, chapter 5. Most of us throw up our hands, not able to figure out our marriages or “Christ and the church,” so we call it a “mystery.”

Instead of identifying with the bride of Christ in our devotions, husbands should be identifying with the Groom, Jesus - God - the Christ, the initiator of this cosmic love affair. Of course, husbands are not God, we are members of the church, the Body of Christ, the Bride. But men are supposed to see this relationship from the husband’s point of view.

It’s a brain buster, I know. We are so used to calling ourselves the Body of Christ, the Bride. But as men, we are never fully comfortable with this designation. And we do not have to be. Paul has set us free from identifying with the Bride. We are called to identify with the Groom. We are to be the initiators of spirituality in the marriage. Imagine what would happen to our faith if we considered what it really means to love someone the way God loves us.

There is no need to be soft, reactive, and beautiful. We can identify with the Groom by being resolute, initiating and strong in character (a most attractive attribute on men, I am told).

For worship leaders, it may seem to be a challenge to find songs for a congregation that reflect God’s heart toward us, but the Bible is full of God’s expressions of love toward his people. And you would be surprised how men join in on those parts. (Please comment with your suggestions.)

Here’s my vision of a “romantic” Sunday at church. (Any pastors who think they can get away with it, please let me know how it went.)

1) Your moment is in the middle of the worship set (if you’re one of those sing-first, preach-later kinds of churches), after a song ends.

2) Have the instruments play in the background, and call attention to the married couples in the audience.

3) Talk about the love between them, and the love God has for us.

4) Offer a word to the singles and those attending without their spouse: “don’t feel left out. Please help us celebrate the joy and holiness of marriage and cheer on  the couples who are here this morning. And if you are married, you might want to tell your spouse about today’s service and do some ‘homework.’”

5) Instruct the couples to hold hands or put their arms around each other.

6) Now prepare them. Tell them, “Husbands, I’m going to ask you to kiss your wife, and kiss her like you haven’t since your wedding day. We will do this together on the count of three. Now look at your spouse. Men, think about how God loves us, and look at your wife with that kind of love. We need to show the young people how much fun it is to be in love and married.

7) Hold it. Anybody need a breath mint? (pass them out)

8) Are you ready? One – two – three! (And pastors, have your wife with you.)

9) Hit the cymbals! Strike the strings! It’s a mid-worship crescendo!

10) After this Sunday morning love-in, sing a great anthem of the church, and see how much gusto you get from all those thankful – Jesus-minded men, and their grateful, church-minded women.

I am for promoting the profile of marriage and romance within marriage in the public square. I am for modeling passion among Christians. I am calling for, asking for a holy imprimatur from the church for such a kiss. And I believe such a display of unconditional, "agape" love between married couples in the sanctuary of the church before so many witnesses is beyond physical "eros" love. It would indeed be holy before Almighty God and instigate more badly-needed affection between couples. Most importantly, I believe men who identify with Christ as Groom will more readily, easily, consistently love their wives as Christ loves the church.

I feel like I’ve been set free. I don’t have to sing like the Bride any more. From now on, I will sing like the God who loves his people. I will sing like the Groom. That identity will teach me how to love in a dramatically new way. I can’t wait to get to church. I might even kiss my wife without prompting - right there in church. Dig that P.D.A!

Sally Jenkins' Wash Post column: Tebow critics intolerant

"Are you saving yourself for marriage?" Tebow was asked last summer during an SEC media day.


"Yes, I am," he replied.

The room fell into a hush, followed by tittering: The best college football player in the country had just announced he was a virgin. As Tebow gauged the reaction from the reporters in the room, he burst out laughing. They were a lot more embarrassed than he was.

"I think y'all are stunned right now!" he said. "You can't even ask a question!"

That's how far we've come from any kind of sane viewpoint about star athletes and sex. Promiscuity is so the norm that if a stud isn't shagging everything in sight, we feel faintly ashamed for him.

--Sally Jenkins, Washington Post sports columnist.  Read the whole column: http://tinyurl.com/yb8dv5c

L'UNION FAIT LA FORCE

"Union Makes Strength"

Let's stand with our neighbors and help them find their strength.

http://samaritanspurse.org/

http://www.hopetohaiti.com/

http://www.newdirections.org/

http://hopeforhaitinow.org/

What Tiger was thinking

The headline “what was Tiger thinking” betrays the worst kind of naiveté. It’s not that I expect men to commit adultery. But it is certainly no surprise. Men are inclined toward pleasure and power. Money and fame facilitate pleasure and power. But love, the real thing, is made of tougher stuff.

Often rich and powerful men who stray say they did it simply because they could. Not because they wanted to in any calculated way. The opportunity was just there. Available. For men without such means, those opportunities are a fantasy, or passing fancy. Even Jesus of Nazareth was tempted in every way common to man.

What makes a man submit to such an opportunity? Or perhaps a better question is what makes a man resist. Years ago a friend told me he was presented with just such a pretty scenario. He was in a position of trust, she was of legal age. The liaison would have been legal, but not moral or ethical. And besides, he loved his wife. He told her, “Sorry, it’s just not worth it.”

Do men operate on a value system, ranking relative risks and rewards? Do men make choices based on danger? Do they just respond to “the feeling,” act on the passion of the moment, and pursue the brief desire of the eyes? Another ancient reference comes from the Apostle John who wrote about “the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, the boastful pride of life.”

Would our Favorite Golf Star been better off flying his family (or his wife) to the final day of all his tournaments? Ah, hindsight. (Or was it “hindsight” that got Tiger in trouble in the first place? Sorry, last joke.)

(photo by thelastminute/flickr)
Tiger’s well-crafted apology  was one part contrition, one part plea for privacy. His tone was sorrowful. His account was sufficiently specific without dwelling on the details. Surprisingly, he approached the concept of repentance, as in “I will strive to be a better person…” This raises his score on the apology index (as opposed to, “I’m sorry if anyone was offended”).

Married men who freelance are basically childlike. Note Tiger’s playful banter 12 years ago, when he was just 21. The April 1997 GQ cover story “The Man. Amen”  caught the sports billionaire on his way to the top of the sports world.

"What I can't figure out," Tiger Woods asks Vincent, the limo driver, "is why so many good-looking women hang around baseball and basketball. Is it because, you know, people always say that, like, black guys have big dicks?"

…being ferried by a limousine and being handled by beautiful women and being photographed for a magazine cover that will get him laid 296 times in the next year, if he so chooses, can be very exhausting work.

The story exalted young “Tiger of the Woods” as a sort of golf messiah. It is a lofty, precarious perch. Seven years after it was printed, Tiger was married, but it appears he never lost his appetite for women… until now.

Writer Charles P. Pierce concluded in GQ, “Can he blaspheme against his own public creation, his own unique role, as determined by his father, his management team and his shoe company? Can he blaspheme against the image coddled and nurtured by the paid evangelists of his own gospel?”

Yes, apparently.

As the world mutters and meddles in the Woods’ home life, I think they need a few of us to pray and hope that they work things out. I wished that for NASCAR glamour boy Jeff Gordon, NFL icon Tom Brady, Brad Pitt, Eddie Murphy and other guys I kind of envy, even though I have a 29 year marriage and they do not, yet.

The amount of the pre-nuptial terms ($300 million?) is wholly irrelevant. There is so much money on the table, neither he nor she has to worry about provision. Beware the lawyers who will be more than happy to handle the dissolution, and endless revisions to any settlement, and the most painful custody hearings to follow.

What is the price tag of true love, mutual respect, fidelity, a lasting marriage? Who values such things anymore? What are people willing to pay for such things? May the Woods couple work things out, God help them.

El Tigre is not yet the world’s greatest golfer (his 14 major victories, as compared to Jack Nicklaus’ 18), but verily he shall be. Unlike normal humans, I believe that great performers employ stress and off-field “distractions” to drive them in to their game. Pure anger over the tabloids, anger over the cheap women who betrayed him, and anger over his own stupidity will clarify things for him on the course. He will focus more deeply to overcome the chattering noise of gossip-mongers all over the world. Did you know that celebrities can literally hear the things we are saying about them?

If Mr. Woods meant what he said about “I have not been true to my values,” then his values have changed, and he may have discovered something as valuable to him as his game: family.

The Glories of Vinyl

(image by carloseduardo22/photobucket)

A while back my 20-something son found a used turntable in pretty good shape on the Internet. He had no idea how delighted I was to receive it. It was a heartfelt gift from new school son to his old school dad. All it needed was a pre-amp and a stylus.

I finally pulled together the pieces, and I’ve been in 33-1/3 rpm – long playing heaven for three days now:

• Andrae Crouch and the Disciples – Live in London.
• Deodato’s “2001.”
• Miles Davis.
• Keith Green’s “He’ll Take Care of the Rest” (simply amazing).
• Charles Mingus (my little home theater subwoofer couldn’t reproduce his bass playing. First more cowbell. Now MORE BASS!).
• Billy Cobham (fastest drummer ever).
• Stevie Wonder’s Music of My Mind (1972, after emancipation from Motown).
• KRS-One (thoughtful rapper).
• Kool & the Gang (one bad jazz combo, far beyond their disco hits).

My younger son watched the ritual – remove the sleeve from the jacket, slide the disc out, blow off dust, place gently on the turntable, raise the tonearm with the damping lever, move the cartridge head over the edge of the disc, lower the damping lever, watch and listen as the needle settles into the groove, beginning its trek toward the spindle.

He said, “yeah, that’s just like putting on a CD and hitting the play button. Simple, I get it.”

“No, you don’t,” I retorted. “It’s more work! It’s more manual, see?” He didn’t. Nor did he realize I’d be back in 18 minutes, bowing before my newly-activated audio component. Turning over the disc for 18 more minutes of vintage musical joy is not a chore. It’s devotion.

I won't get all religious on you. I'm a peacemaker in the analog-digital wars (can't we all get along?). But there is something so refreshingly organic about the clicks and pops that I put there from too-much-love.

(Uh-oh. More fusion. Weather Report. Chick Corea. Stanley Clarke. Mahavishnu Orchestra. I may never leave my living room.)

Back when my last turntable was working, we had a Bible study at our house. I got to talking about the blues and one of the guys seemed interested. When we were finished with the study, I broke out the Jay McShann and "Cleanhead" Vinson. My guests looked us strangely, and when the music started, they got scared, I think, and left the room.

(Oh wait. The Hawkins Family. Trend-setting gospel. Did you know faith preacher Kenneth Copeland sings like a bluesy Frank Sinatra? Steve Taylor. Daniel Amos. Rez Band. Underground. Serious Christian rockers. Yes, I have a Stryper LP.)

So, you all are invited. When I was a drinker, I didn’t like to drink alone. I don’t like my music alone either. The family’s keeping their distance for now, as I re-enter the world of My Music. But you’re welcome to visit.

(What’s that over there? Seven of my Hendrix records survived the last purge! What to do!?!)