I just got back from the "Dangerous Man" conference at a church in the South Denver area. Some 200 men, stone-faced and ready for a fight, gathered to explore what it means to be "dangerous for good." The conference was inspired by Al Larson's book The Making of a Dangerous Man. His website is www.dangerousman.org.
As written elsewhere, I love the smell of men in the morning. It smells like victory (bad paraphrase from "Apocalypse Now").
If you'd like my notes and sources from the workshop on "Fathering Teens: Game On," send an e-mail to oldschooleditor@hotmail.com. For your benefit, an abridged version is below.
Remember, dads of teens, you have what it takes!
DANGEROUS MAN CONFERENCE - CENTENNIAL, COLORADO - SAT. FEB. 3, 2007
“FATHERING TEENS: GAME ON” -- WORKSHOP NOTES AND SOURCES (abridged)
Among sources quoted from today:
Dr. Lafayette Scales, Rhema Christian Center, Columbus, Ohio
Craig Hill (Family Foundations, Littleton, CO, http://www.familyfi.org/)
THE BIG PICTURE: I Cor. 4:15 – 20
15 - For though you might have ten thousand instructors in Christ, yet you do not have many fathers; for in Christ Jesus I have begotten you through the gospel.
16 – Therefore I urge you, imitate me.
17 – For this reason I have sent Timothy to you, who is my beloved and faithful son in the Lord, who will remind you of my ways in Christ, as I teach everywhere in every church.
18 – Now some are puffed up, as though I were not coming to you.
19 – But I will come to you shortly, if the Lord wills, and I will know not the word of those who are puffed up, but the power.
20 – For the kingdom of God is not in word but in power.
Kirk Franklin, Hero
THE CALLING:
The purpose of marriage (Malachi 2:14 – 15)
(the prophet Malachi is speaking God’s words on the “treachery of infidelity.”)
14 - Yet you say, “For what reason?” Because the Lord has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, whith whom you have dealt treacherously; Yet she is your companion and your wife by covenant.
15 – But did He not make them one, having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth.
Offspring as weapons
Psalm 127: 3-5
Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth.
Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them; they shall not be ashamed, but shall speak with their enemies in the gate.
James Ryle, “The making of an arrow,” http://www.truthworks.org/
Children’s children are the crown of old men, but the glory of children is their fathers. (Prov. 17:6)
THE BATTLE ZONES
What teens believe and how they act
National Study on Youth and Religion (Dr. Christian Smith, Univ. of N. Carolina – Chapel Hill, 2005, www.youthandreligion.org)
Sexual abstinence before marriage – 67% of Protestant teens agree, only 38% of unaffiliated teens agree (p. 56)
Sexual Intercourse – Almost 1/5 of Protestant teens reporting having sexual intercourse in the last year. (p. 57)
Close parent-child relationship improved the youth's ability to select prosocial friends, which was directly related to decreased involvement with violence.
Smith P, Flay BR, Bell CC, Weissberg RP.Department of Family and Consumer Studies, The University of Utah, Salt Lake City 84112, USA. Paula.Smith@fcs.utah.edu
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/query.fcgi?cmd=Retrieve&db=PubMed&list_uids=11822526&dopt=Abstract
More than 80% of teens ages 14 to 17 think highly of their mothers, and a similar percentage think highly of their fathers
Moore KA, Guzman L, Hair E, Lippman L, Garrett S (2004). Parent-Teen Relationships and Interactions: Far More Positive Than Not. Child Trends Research Brief, Publication #2004-25. Washington, DC: Child Trends. Available at: http://www.childtrends.org/Files/Parent_TeenRB.pdf.
OTHER BATTLE ZONES:
Fatigue
Prov. 24:10 – “If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small.”
RAISING SONS:
Soul – self control, mental exercises
Asking questions (inquire, dig deep, Prov. 20:5-6)
“Counsel in the heart of a man is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out.”
Ken Canfield, founder of the Natl. Center for Fathering suggests we get past men’s classic yes-no answers… which begins when we are boys…
A better approach might sound like this: “What’s one thing at school that went well today?”
Keep a photocopy of your child’s class schedule in your desk or even tucked in your planner. A generic question usually gets a generic answer. But if you get specific, they’re much more likely to open up.
http://www.fathers.com/articles/articles.asp?id=477&cat=4
RAISING DAUGHTERS:
Soul - "Dating" your daughter – setting a high standard
Glamour Magazine profiles "Purity Ball" for dads and daughters
It’s like a wedding but with a twist: Young women exchange rings, take vows and enjoy a first dance…with their dads. “Purity balls” are the next big thing in the save-it-till-marriage movement. Smart or scary? By Jennifer Baumgardner
http://www.glamour.com/news/articles/2007/01/purityballs07feb?currentPage=1
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Resources for Dangerous Dads of Teens
Rites of Passage
Chuck Stecker’s ministry is called A Chosen Generation
http://achosengeneration.org/
National Center for Fathering
Articles, weekly e-mail, tips, techniques, and TONS MORE!!
http://www.fathers.com/
Focus on the Family – Plugged In Magazine
Culture reviews (movies, TV, music, video games, miscellaneous media)
http://www.pluggedinonline.com/
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