Here are the notes from the Dangerous Man Day workshop on mentoringDiscipling Younger Men – “Walk with me”
Seminar description:
After graduation, most young people leave the church. When they come back, will you be there? Get a handle on God’s call on your life to mentor a younger man.
Contents
-Four younger men
-From the Bible
-The Generations
-Fill in the Blanks
-The Value of Mentors
-Where to Mentor
-Steve’s Rules for Mentoring
-Tips and Techniques
-A Prayer for Mentors
-Bibliography
-Film List on Mentoring
Four younger men I’m spending time with:
-A young songwriter asked me for help with his poetry.
-A youth pastor poured out his heart to me about revival, and we’re reading a book together
-A young father just wanted an older guy to get a reality check on his new wife and his new baby and his new roles as husband and father.
-I heard a young man talk about his desire to write. He had a germ of an idea, and so we read our work to each other on a couple of Monday nights every month.
From the Bible
Eli to Samuel (I Samuel 1-3)
Elijah to Elisha (I Kings 19:19 – 21, II Kings 2:1 – 25)
Paul to Timothy (From house arrest in Rome to Timothy at Ephesus)
II Timothy 2:2 – FOUR GENERATIONS
“And the things that you have heard from me among many witnesses, commit these to faithful men who will be able to teach others also.” Paul’s Second Letter to Timothy, chapter 2, verse 2 (65 A.D.)
Warnings
1:8 – Don’t be ashamed
1:13 – hold sound words
2:23 – avoid foolish disputes
3:2 – men will be lovers of selves
4:2 – be ready in season and out
4:5 – be watchful
Paul’s last epistle? His last written words? Relationships! (4:9-21)
Demas, Crescens, Titus, Luke, Mark, Tychicus, Carpus, Alexander, Prisca, Aquila, Onesiphorus, Erastus, Tro-phi-mus, Eubulus, Pudens, Linus, Claudia, … all the brethren…
BIG, GRAND PURPOSE (B.H.A.G.) - The Great Commission (Matt. 28:18-20)
Disciple nations
Combat Fatherlessness
DEFEAT ISOLATION
Foster Inter-generational ministry
THE GENERATIONS
Builders (up to 1945) -- Tom Brokaw’s “The Greatest Generation”
Boomers (1946 – 1964) – we rule the world
Busters (1965 – 1983) or “Generation X”
Bridgers / Mosaics / Millennials (1984 – 2004) - coming of age in two different centuries.
A WORD ON INTER-GENERATIONAL MINISTRY FROM Enrichment Journal
Macintosh, Gary L., “Blending Builders, Boomers, Busters, and Bridgers,” EnrichmentJournal.com, 2002. Springfield, MO. http://enrichmentjournal.ag.org/200201/200201_046_blending.cfm
If builders have been the main leaders of your church, qualified boomers, busters, and bridgers must be allowed and encouraged to assume key positions of leadership throughout the church.
Throughout history it has been common for multigenerational families to live close together, even under the same roof. After World War II, the development of suburbs, freeways, (I insert air travel) and the resulting mobility of people broke geographic (and) generational ties. Families began to live in smaller nuclear units rather than in extended families. As we enter the 21st century, once again families are finding it economically advantageous for several generations to pool their resources and live together.
Encourage boomers, busters, and bridgers to take leadership. This includes the worship team, new-members committee, worship committee, music committee, small-group committee, activities (social/sports) committee, as well as regular boards and committees, such as elders, deacons, or trustees.
Vital, growing churches in the next decade will be those that can successfully reach, win, and keep multiple generations. For this to happen in existing churches, leaders need to make bold, long-term plans for blending builders, boomers, busters, and bridgers into a unified church. Of course, there are risks involved in attempting a blend, but the call of Christ to make disciples makes the risks worthwhile.
Fill in the blanks:
SIGNIFICANT RELATIVE (other than father): ________
FAVORITE SCHOOL TEACHER: ______________
MOST FORMATIVE COACH/MASTER/SINSEI: _______________
MOST INFLUENTIAL PERSON IN YOUR CRAFT/TRADE: ________
THE VALUE OF MENTORS
Lessons from Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas’ grandfather (My Grandfather’s Son):
-Don’t do what I say, do what I do
-Old Man Can’t is dead. I helped bury him.
-The man he called “Daddy” always seemed to be preparing for rainy days. Maybe that’s why they never came.
Lessons from Morrie Schwartz about love and marriage (Tuesdays with Morrie):
-Respect the other person
-Know how to compromise
-Talk openly about what’s going on between you
-Have a common set of values – the most important value being the importance of marriage
Lessons from Robert Kiyasaki’s “rich dad” about money (Rich Dad, Poor Dad):
-If you can’t make up your mind decisively, then you’ll never learn to make money.
-Opportunities come and go. Being able to know when to make quick decisions is an important skill.
-Say “I can’t afford it” and your brain stops working. Say “how can I afford it” and your brain goes to work.
-Most people work for money. The rich have money work for them.
WHERE TO MENTOR?
AT WORK - Apprenticeships!
AT CHURCH - Youth ministry, young adult ministry, new dads, new husbands
AT HOME - Foster sons
SOCIAL CIRCLES - The sons of friends…
AT SCHOOL - Teacher to student, older to younger classmen
STEVE’S RULES FOR MENTORING
#1 -- YOU WILL HAVE TO FIGHT FOR IT!
Howie and Bill Hendricks: Just pursue relationship.
Stu Weber’s RULE #1 FOR MENTORING: Be there.
Stu Weber adds, “Love them until they feel it.”
#2 -- TRANSPARENCY ADDS VALUE
Mentees want your help to “decode” life’s mysteries.
Your trial and error saves others countless hours and pain
Failures are badges, scars, stripes… these are medals!
the accountability that’s built inside the mentoring relationship - Stu Weber reminds us that we have to “Live out your own biblical values to the core.”
TIPS AND TECHNIQUES
From Gordon Shea’s 50-minute Mentor:
Seven Types of Mentor Assistance
-Shifting context - “How about looking at the whole issue in a different way?”
-Listening – the sounding board, ask good questions
-Identify feelings – wisdom breaks through cover-ups, self-deception
-Production confrontation – “Have you thought about the cost of this action?”
-Provide information – Be a source of facts to help mentee make a good decision
-Delegate authority, give permission – empower, test, build mentee’s confidence
-Explore options – brainstorm ideas beyond the “tried and true”
Three things to avoid
-Criticizing
-Giving advice (too quickly, without being asked)
-Rescuing them from self-inflicted folly
A PRAYER FOR MENTORS
Almighty Father God,
Thank you for saving me, and training me with your word and your Holy Spirit. I seek to grow as your son. Help me fulfill your great commission to make disciples of all people. I submit to you my plans and my desires, and specifically my schedule and priorities. Conform my will to your will, Good Father. I trust you for divine appointments, and I trust you for younger men into whom I can pour my life lessons, spiritual truths and grace. In the name of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, so be it and AMEN.
BIBLIOGRAPHY
Albom, Mitch. Tuesdays with Morrie. New York. Broadway, 1997.
Hendricks, Howard and Hendricks, William. As Iron Sharpens Iron. Chicago. Moody, 1999.
Kiyosaki,Robert. Rich Dad, Poor Dad. Scottsdale, AZ. TechPress, 1998.
Ravenhill, Leonard. Why Revival Tarries. Minneapolis. Bethany House, 1987.
Shea, Gordon. Mentoring. Menlo Park, CA. Crisp, 2002.
Thomas, Clarence. My Grandfather’s Son. New York. Harper Perennial, 2007.
Weber, Stu. Four Pillars of a Man’s Heart. Sisters, OR. Multnomah, 1997
Films with a “mentoring” message
Coach movies
Hoosiers (1986, PG) Gene Hackman’s legendary role as a legendary coach given a second chance with a 1950s high school basketball team.
Karate Kid (1984, PG) Wax on, wax off. The iconic tale of martial arts training, the hard way.
Coach Carter (2005, PG-13) Samuel L. Jackson plays the lead in the true story of Ken Carter, who benches the entire Richmond, CA high school basketball team until grades improve.
Mentor movies
Antwone Fisher (2002, PG-13) An angry, talented sailor is sharpened and soothed by a caring Naval psychiatrist (Denzel Washington).
Finding Forrester (2000, PG-13) The reclusive novelist (Sean Connery) finds talent in a young man.
Secondhand Lions (2003, PG) Michael Caine and Robert Duvall play the uncles every boy wishes he had. On a farm one summer, it’s a family favorite!
Star Wars V: The Empire Strikes Back (1980, PG) Short and ancient, the character Yoda is introduced as guide for Luke Skywalker.
Teacher movies
Akeelah and the Bee (2006, PG) M-O-T-I-V-A-T-I-N-G. Keke Palmer plays Akeelah, bright but underperforming. Laurence Fishburne coaches her to the National Spelling Bee, and community redemption.
Mr. Holland’s Opus (1995, PG) Richard Dreyfuss leads in this sentimental favorite of dedicated music teacher’s 30-year career.
Stand and Deliver (1987, PG) Edward James Olmos in a tour-de-force performance as an inspirational Calculus teacher in East L.A. Based on a true story.
The Great Debaters (2007, PG-13) Denzel Washington plays debate coach Melvin Tolson, who trained small Wiley College in a national championship match against Harvard. A true and inspirational story.
To Sir, with Love (1967) Sidney Poitier is a novice teacher assigned to a school of young toughs in London.
Find out more about Dangerous Man Day at http://dangerousman.org/.
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